Sunday, January 9, 2011

Freedom is a dark road when you're walking it alone!

What does it take to be truly happy?

According to Dr. Kathianne Lewis: Relatedness, Competence and Autonomy

To be truly happy we "connect" with others maybe in a loving relationship, maybe in a friendship, maybe just meeting the eyes of a stranger. (Definitely through sustained communication with other bloggers.)

To be truly happy we experience our activities with a sense of confidence and accomplishment in one or more areas. And - we continually renew our competence by taking on new challenges, trying new things, refining something we already do well.

To be truly happy we are autonomous - retaining our personal strength, power and choice. To be truly happy, an autonomous person gets to CHOOSE relatedness and competence.

One might think relatedness and autonomy are opposites - until the rugged I can do it myself individual understands that life could be richer when exercising the right to choose connection and competence.

Sometimes in my life I have let go of relationships and chosen isolation when what I needed was to maintain the connections and provide for the needed solitude - and I have thought that I couldn't risk trying something (like painting or dancing)until I had (privately) established competence - and then given up or not shown up because I was indeed not good at it.

What do you think?


Helen said...

I think you are very wise and these are great words to begin a new year with ... I agree with everything you expressed. My poetry blog is me taking a huge risk ... for I am not a poet. I risk ridicule every time I put a poem out there, but for me it means growth and comes from a place deep inside my soul. And it is OK.

Ralph said...

I think the word "happiness" is overused and the concept way overrated. Like the forced joviality of the end-of-the-year holiday season, it puts unnecessary pressure on those of us who are merely content with the way things are in general, accepting the peaks and the valleys which coexist in all lives and which temper each others' effects. In the face of all these emotional buttons constantly being pushed, if we can achieve satisfaction with our lives along with just a modicum of worry, we have achieved quite a bit.

Tabor said...

What a perfect stop for me today in Blogdom. Your post AND the post of your reader hits a huge chord with me and helps me not see through the glass so darkly.

One Woman's Journey said...


Helen said...

... thanks for stopping by. What IS it about that In The Still Of The Night song? You do know .... it's all the memories, the wonderful, fun, crazy memories.

Maggie said...

I know that doesn't work. You just have to do it. :) Take the risk.

Brighid said...

Ralph has come close to the way I feel. But then I'm in that no woman's land at the moment. All my buttons need a wee rest, so I'm enjoying the aloneness.

Marion Williams-Bennett said...

This post is so thoughtful, and I believe it to be true.

My favorite part, and the part that I think is often missing for me, is the idea of taking on new challenges. It's so easy at times to just manage what you are doing, brining in something new feels difficult. Yet, it's so important.

Thank your for sharing this - happiness, indeed!